Hello, internet. It’s been a while. I know periods of radio-silence are not unusual for me, but I’ve been quiet longer than usual, and I feel it’s about time to just write something just to explain what’s been going on to both you guys and myself.
So, here goes.
Like many of you out there, I’ve had my issues with both depression and anxiety. I’ve pretty much been dealing with them all throughout my adulthood, with varying degrees of success. However, just when it seems I’ve found some therapy or medication that alleviates my issue, they express themselves in a new form. Their newest form, one I’ve been battling for over a year and a half, is that of a desire to avoid the world and just stay inside. No movies, no galleries, no groceries, and sometimes no job; just stay inside, sleep until 1 PM, and stare at the Internet until it’s time to waddle back to bed. I don’t watch anything, I barely read, and I don’t have the desire to write much beyond the occasional funny social media post. Thankfully, I’ve been back in counseling for the past few months and it has been invaluably helpful in teaching me how to set goals and think about myself in ways that avoid masochistic self-denigration, but it’s going to be a long hard road to get back where I was.
While that has been the biggest issue influencing my attitude towards writing lately, it is not the only one. I am composing this post on the one-year anniversary of the passing of my good friend Catherine Brunelle. I met her by chance at work about four years ago, and while workplace socialization is far from my strong suit, I decided to put some of my therapy to use and talk to her. As it happened, she was a writer too, so we had plenty to talk about. She was always a bright, upbeat person, and she did so much to encourage me to take risks with my writing. It was because of her that I decided to submit my work to Strange Horizons and even start this blog. She became a friend at a time when I really needed one, and even now I miss her dearly.
Finally, while I have been slowly recovering my desire to write, I am still having trouble deciding what to write. I’m in another period where I feel like I have gone as far as I can with writing reviews and criticism, and I want to properly move into fiction, which has always been the ultimate goal for me. However, while I may no longer have the desire to write nonfiction, I often find myself returning to it simply because it’s the form I’m the most comfortable with crafting. I do want to make a serious go of fiction (I even have two or three story ideas to get me started), but I need to find a way to approach it that doesn’t scare me off.
Of course, this raises the question of what the future of this blog will be. I don’t believe in deleting my own work off the internet; after all, even no matter what I think it, there’s someone out there who loves it and will be sad to see it disappear. Still, that doesn’t answer the question of what I should do with this blog. I may return for some reviewing in October, and I’ve got a few scary games I’d love to talk about, but at the moment I really can’t say what will happen here.
Even so, you can rest assured that I’ll be out there, getting myself back into shape and beavering away on some new project ready to intrigue and enthrall you all. It’ll take a while to figure out where I need to go, but I can’t wait to get there.
Not a farewell,